It is not All or Nothing

Yes, Rosie, you did catch that :) We want to start trying for a baby in about a year or two at the most, but I need to lose weight and get stronger first. So, I essentially have 1 year to get to a comfortable place. This is something I've set for myself, mind you, nothing Matt has said, so don't be thinking that ;) Alyssa, how frustrating is it when there are things at work that you know your body doesn't want, but that seem irresistible?? That happens at my office ALL THE TIME - donuts, cookies, home-made baked goods, sees candy, a bowl of chocolate at the receptionists desk, etc., etc. Not to mention any time there is a lunch meeting there is leftover catering - meat & cheese sandwiches, mayonnaise laden pasta salads, giant cookies or muffins. Oy.

Rosie, when you were talking about the whole "cravings" issue, I am so reminded of how I am a sucker for advertising. Anything that I really enjoy consuming -- if I see it in an ad or billboard, or movie, I start to want it. Now that we don't watch TV it is a little better - I'm not bombarded with commercials! I was reading a blog conversation about transferring a food obsession to a different obsession, or if we can just rid ourselves of obsession entirely. It seems like some people truly have an innate ability to do "all things in moderation" while others of us have an ingrained "All or Nothing" approach. I'm CERTAIN that we have the ability to change this, but maybe realizing that we might be wired a little differently than folks who don't even give the donuts or the pasta a second thought, might help us be kinder to ourselves as we work to change our approach? I don't know, maybe that doesn't make any sense. I just know that when I am not being 100% on track I am so pissed at myself and disappointed. I don't think Matt has those feelings at all -- even after a night of crazy Chinese food.

Anyway, I am not doing great with food/exercise right now, but I'm really working on not falling into some kind of binge because of it. I am forcing myself to resist the "I've already ruined my day when I had X, why not have Y & some Z, too." So far today: 1/2 a turkey sandwich and a big bowl of tomato soup with brown rice and parmesan cheese (too much of the rice and cheese for sure!).

been a while

I'm back. At least I'm trying to be back. I haven't been on the computer much this week, my car has been dead and carpooling with Mark at different times and whatnot. But now my car is better (only $800... aagh!). 

Today I made some really horrible choices. Last night was Back-to-School Night which is super nerve-wracking and stressful. So this morning when I got to work there were 2 giant boxes of fresh donuts in the staff room as a gift from our Principal for getting last night over with. So of course I had one. Cut to 10am at recess, I had another. Cut to 2pm, another!!!! Holy moly, it was like I was completely out of control. At the time I "justified" it with the fact that it is that time of the month, and I "deserved" a reward for a stressful week, and blah blah blah. Totally saboutaging myself. 

I made such good progress before the wedding, and surprisingly I've kept the actual pounds off, even going down 2 more, but my body doesn't feel that way. I think I'm losing muscle but gaining back fat. I just feel lazy, lumpy, and un-motivated. My goal is to do something active outside this weekend (kayaking, tennis, hiking...) and to go Tuesday night to the gym for a Zumba class (never been but have heard good things about it). 

We can do this, ladies!! Remember, it's not about the number on the scale but how you feel, and how your clothes fit :)  

DAY 2 and Ellen babies

Thanks Ellen, I really love all the positive feedback you have been giving me. Don't think I didn't notice that you mentioned you wanted to get healthy so you can start a FAMILY! Your listening skills are so amazing, you are going to be a great Mom!!

Speaking of men's habits, I noticed that my coworker has been the same way with food! While I have been sitting here totally unsatisfied by my salad (however delicious, fresh and good for me) he simply says "Yummy salad, I love carrots" and goes on his merry way.

m_( _ _)_m *head on desk*

It is a mystery, this apparent male detachment from food others have. Could it be a connection we have to our maternal instincts, maybe a satisfaction in providing food for ourselves and others? I am not sure.

Take my other coworker, a woman in her early thrities and svelte, thin and healthy. When she is full, she simply closes the to-go box or tupperware and goes on her merry way. The most amazing thing I saw her do was say to a beautiful dish of risotto "this has too much garlic for me" and offered it to someone else. The only time I have ever seen her covet food is when someone else made it for her. I should watch her more often and maybe start to behave like a thin person. Did anyone read "French women don't get fat"?

Food can taste like the bottom of my shoe but if its hot and sitting in front of me, I eat it. If I see a movie with people drinking wine or eating pasta, I want that. This crave-satisfy model for my everyday life must be some sort of Fruedian anal stage of development I have yet to pass. Maybe I can find some thing new to craving that has nothing to do with consuming food. Something that makes me feel just as satisfied, happy comfortable, and make my kitchen smell good. Any ideas?

DAY 2:
oatmeal and bluberries
black coffee
salad with avo, tomatoes, onions, olives and vinegrette
brown rice, roasted veggies, and chicken
veggie chips and homemade guacamole
(I totally ate too much for dinner)

6am 30 minuites of Cardio with coworker

I am sending you all good vibes and wonderful thoughts

<3

Rockstar Rosie

So, I just have to say that Rosie, you are a Rockstar! Instead of leaving you a comment (since I usually miss seeing those, anyway), I thought I'd shoot out a quick post :) Way to go on re-engaging with your mission and writing through the frustration and disappointment! It sounds like you've got a great partner in crime, too, which I'm sure is going to help a lot! Your meal plan sounded like an awesome and yummy day :)

Some of the stuff you've talked through the past couple of posts have really been stuff I have been able to relate to. I wish I could be like Matt and just remove the emotion from my decisions and results. He doesn't seem to have emotions when it comes to avoiding foods, even if he craves something. He'll just NOT have the food! Pizza is a great example. If I get it in my mind that I want pizza for dinner, that is all I can think about and whatever we have instead is just blah. But, he will be totally satisfied. Also, if he doesn't lose during a week he doesn't even comment on it, just recognizes what was wrong with the previous week (too many nights of missed exercise, two nights of "off" eating, etc.) and then just changes for the current week. He has this incredible ability to know what he is doing will get him there and has this long term vision I seem to be lacking. An increase on the scale when I think I have been 90% good for the week gives me a tear my hair out rest of the day -- which leads to the desire to drown my frustration in pizza and chocolate (vicious cycle, right?). How is he able to be so emotionally detached??? Is it just a guy thing? How can I be like that, too?

DAY 1

I discovered a big thing about my eating lifestyle: I am constantly hunrgy at work. I need "thinking food" and because I work in a place where there are fabulous restaurants around, its hard not to indulge when stressed by work.

SOoooo, my coworker is now also interested in getting healthier, so we decided to do 10 days of veggies, fruits, brown rice, and fish or chicken. I vowed to drink coffee black and he vowed no candy. This is a really awesome set up because when he sets his mind to something, he does it whole-heartedly. I have no doubt in my mind he will back me up on everything, and smile doing this drastic change in diet all the way.

We carpool together, so we are going to leave a bit earlier to go to the gym in the mornings. We will see how long I last with this one. But if I have to meet someone at the gym, I will more likely begrudgingly go.

I hit another bottom this weekend, and cried my eyes out about weight gain. It was only a pound. But it hurt anyway. Every time I go through this cycle, I never come out of it with confidence. Today I feel a little different about my outcome, like "This is it!". That's good right?

DAY 1:
oatmeal and blueberries
rice and veggies
grapes
carrots
water
black coffee
Dinner: Chicken and brown rice with teriyaki sauce

I really wanna burger right now!

Weekend

Weekends tend to be hardest for me. I knew this Saturday was going to be a planned "off day" and therefore was okay with it. We went to our niece Nyomi's third birthday and partook in the potluck (two types of potato salad!) and cupcakes (three small cupcakes...delicious, then ugh...). Saturday night was date night which was planned Chinese food: general's chicken, eggplant in garlic sauce, veggie spring rolls, ham & cheese baus and milk bubble tea. WOW!!! Also, blueberries for dessert. Today we're back on track for the most part. Over calories a little, but back on the healthy track.

We had a little bit of a hiccup with exercise - a few days of missed exercise due to late late nights and now it is more difficult to get started again. I wish we all had lifestyles that were more conducive to incidental exercise!!!

Thursday

I have not been exercising at all, but Zoe who I work with goes to my gym and does the fun classes in the evening, so I'm gonna try to go with her to do that soon. I've been trying to do better about fruits and veggies. My coworkers and I were talking about petitioning to Deluxe foods to have better breakfast choices because a lot of us stop there in the mornings for coffee and the only things they have are pastries, donuts, and bagels.
Here's what I had today:
B: cup of fruit and NF vanilla latte
S: yogurt
L: Eating Right chicken pasta meal and vitamin water
D: twice-baked potato, tomato veggie salad thingy, OJ
D: probably a Skinny Cow fudgesicle

School is going well, still getting back on schedule and getting to know the kiddos. They're a sweet bunch, but I forget how young and helpless and dependent they are when they start fourth grade! I'm looking forward to the second half of the year.

Thursday?

ok, so things I like about Chile, I really do think I am eating less, less obsessed about weight, size, etc. so that is awesome. and less night eating, the only time I eat at night is when I drink and tht is more of a hangover cure then anything else..so ya! things that are tough food wise, well lots of bread, I live with a family and eat there food, so little control of what is on the plate...like yesterday they made alfredo like sauce with hamburgers..and the only veggies were some sliced tomatoes and beets...and ya...but I also think being that my diet here is very simple I will one day get sick of the bread and eat less and less of it. which is good....

umm, so before I went to Chile I had to try on clothes and see what to bring, and obviously I did not want to bring anything that did not fit. well I had to buy new jeans, cause they were all too small, and most of my clothes were too tight..boo...not so appreciate of my cycle of weight loss and gain this past year....boo. but well, here I know things will even out and work better, I am not really getting to the gym, but I will figure out a way to incorporate more exercise into my diet and then also more veggies...

girls. I wish you all luck and want to say that this might be a struggle for us all in one way or another, but we also are so lucky in all the other things, we have. smarts, looks, careers, companions, etc. so don´t less this keep you down. just know you can control the food. do I sound like Susan Summers? or the other blonde Susan??

Still Working on Motivation

So, my week has not gone so well although I am counting points. I have been eating a lot more fruits, and consuming the groceries I bought rather than letting them get old and moldy. I seem to eat a lot more when I eat more fruits, so I get really hungry when I get home and overeat :-(

This evening if the first evening I have had free all week, so I am going to do my long list of crap to do, the first one being : GO TO THE GYM

I have feared setting foot on the scale, but I foresee it might be a motivational tool for me. This may be TMI, but I have to ask - Does sitting on the toilet make anyone else feel more overweight?

Does anyone have ideas for motivation that is not damaging to self?
Ellen - thanks so much for giving me feedback! I was afraid I would sound like a whiner. And, congrats on the loss!! Every bit counts and trust me, after losing 20 lbs last years it does add up.

Thoughts & Weigh-In

Rosie, thanks for sharing your struggle with us -- seriously, I think that's one of the best things about blogging. You are recognizing your challenges and are frustrated about them. Honestly, I think that is such a good place to be! It means that you want to make a change and are pissed when you don't live up to your own expectations. I think that is a much better place to be than "eh, whatever" when you don't do the things you've promised yourself you'd do. I'm slowly learning, though, that I also have to give myself grace when I f*ck up -- like when I have 3 huge pieces of cheese toast at midnight making my so far healthy day into a 3,000 calorie wasted day (seriously, what was I thinking). Maybe give yourself a little grace even when you are frustrated with yourself?

Dawn, cool you are joining us! It's fun reading your other blog, too :)

Alyssa, back to school, back to school -- how's your class this year?

Weigh-In
So, I weighed myself on 8/8/08 and then again on 8/17/08. Down 3.2 pounds in about 9 days! I think some was water weight loss due to monthly hormones, but not all of it, for sure. So, yay, I'm officially the lowest weight I've been in 2008! I have been down I think about 7 pounds more in 2007, so once I bust through those 7 pounds I will be at my lowest weight since 2006. I am looking forward to seeing the years "roll back" like that.

My goal weight is actually pretty close to my senior year of high school weight, but with more lean muscle and less body fat. I have no idea if I'm really going to be able to get there, but I plan to keep that as my goal until I get closer and can reevaluate how I feel. Right now primary reasons for being serious about weight loss and rolling back the years of weight gain are so that we can start our family and I can feel strong and confident, both physically (about what my body is capable of), and mentally.

hello ladies

So here I am in chile. things are going well.-....if you ever are interested feel free to read, comment on my bloog Dawn´s life upside down I think that should work...so what did I eat today? well,

coffee with non fat
a bread that is like an english muffin with margerin
lunch was tuna fish, black beans, white rice and I think that is it
then a pb & j
cookie and tea...

food wise I think I will do great here since they eat one big meal, lunch, and then the rest is less....

ya!
xoxo
Dawn

Weekends Kill me and then I die.

Oi vey! What is it about the weekend that completely crushes my motivation and energy during the week? I haven't been drinking, so it can't be that. I slept in. I made meals at home. But I can't get myself to move! I failed to go to the gym both Saturday and Sunday. I have a costumer's meeting tonight, so I most likely won't make it. I do good for a week, then fail the next 3. What is it that makes me fall off the wagon?

I am, of course, assuming the next two weeks will be a fail. So, what can I do to pick my motivation back up?

I want my mommy :(

TGIF fo' sho'

not back on track quite yet. running late this morning so I grabbed a cinnamon roll thing at the coffee shop. There truly weren't any better options. (I know, excuses, excuses). Had a small quiche for lunch with water, then went for drinks after work. I had 3 drinks (2 gin and tonics and one fruity something) and munched on some chips and nachos. Not too hungry at the moment but will probably snack on something before long. I really need some motivation to exercise this weekend. 

Lunches and Snacks

Alyssa, glad you're joining us! Hope you had a wonderful time in Hawaii :) Got the wedding pics from Mark - awesome!

Rosie, congrats on tracking your points and 3 gym sessions!!

Lunches & Snacks
As for lunches and snacks, that's what I'm working on a lot, too. What I've done so far is to do a Sunday cooking spree. I've been making like 2-3 healthy casserole dishes per weekend (last two weekends) for us to eat during the week for lunches and dinners. After they cool I put five servings into individual tupperwares for lunch (varied between the 2-3 different casseroles so it isn't all five days of the same thing).

Also, I grab out all of the salad fixings from the fridge and do the same thing -- make 5 small salads for the week (NO TOMATOES, they get gross). I've done this while making salad for Sunday night dinner so it isn't an "extra" task in my life. For the salads I've been using mixed greens, cucumber, red/green bell peppers, artichoke hearts, and a 1/2 serving of LF feta. Sometimes a few Tbs of black beans. I put a serving of salad dressing (I use olive oil and balsamic) in a tiny tupperware that I actually put into the salad bowl so it is all in one :) So, at the beginning of the week I have five lunch meals ready in the fridge - casserole and salad.

For snacks I'm bringing bananas, nectarines (yay for summer!!), protein snack bars (from our website), LF string cheese, steamed/roasted veggie leftovers if we had them the night before, whole wheat crackers and LF cheese and lunch meat, baby dill pickles, and occasionally 2 Tbs mixed nuts. Not all that stuff on the same day, of course :)

Eating Progress
So far so good, and I'm still having a glass of wine almost every night. I am focusing on eating more of my food during the daytime so I am not so damned hungry at night and less likely to binge. The last two nights have been pretty good. I even resisted chocolate last night!! We have 1 remaining square of this coconut white chocolate Lindt that is amazing. I almost had it, but was like, "actually, I don't even really want that, so why don't I save it for when I do want it?" What a novel concept!! To actually NOT eat all the chocolate in the house :P

Exercise
Woo, hoo! Did our alloted daily exercise last night! My new sports bra did the trick and kept everything "contained" and decently comfortable. We will be working out again tonight and I'll be upping the intensity from last night. Thanks, Rosie, for that no more excuses post!!

Rosie Fail

So, I went to my boyfriend's house for dinner and I failed to bring stuff to play tennis as my exercise, so I ended up sitting on the couch all night and watching the Olympics. Man, Misty May's booty is so much nicer than mine :-(

Anywho, I didn't make it to the gym. So sad! But, I did get to hold a Baby for like an hour, and made her be "super baby" so I figure I worked out my arm muscles a bit.

I won't make it to the gym tonight either because I am going to a play in the mountains.

I ate 5 little tacos last night. And ice cream.

Perspective:
So far this week I have gone to the gym 3 times.
I have free days on Saturday and Sunday so I can make that a total of 5 times in one week.
I have counted my WW points everyday since Monday.

For Alyssa:
I like to buy a big thing of grapes and divide it into sandwich bags for my lunch for the whole week. I do the same with carrots and a little container of ranch dressing or hummus.

light cream cheese keeps forever, so maybe you can always keep a bagels and cream cheese or hummus in the frige at work. If you want microwave meals, I suggest getting them at Target because they are like, a full dollar cheaper than safeway. Only thing to watch out for is the sodium count on those. Drink water!

trader Joes also has pre-made salads that are sealed and yummy. I saw a woman there the other day buy 14, enough for 2 weeks. I am not sure they will keep for that long but maybe 5? One for each day of the week. TJ's has a HUGE selection.

**end a bunch of random thoughts**
TGIF

Rosie

getting back on it

Hi Ladies! I'm so glad you two are back... and thanks Rosie for giving me a heads up. I definitely need the motivation. I was doing so well up to the wedding, and then I let go in Hawaii and have been "off the wagon" since then. I'm not sure if I've gained any of the pounds back, but I definitely feel ickier. School started back up this week and Mark has been commuting to SF all week for a class, so we've eating a lot of take-out (just finished a plate of Chinese) and easy meals. My goal for this weekend is to go grocery shopping and start cooking, not order crap when out for drinks, and figure out some good lunches to take to work. I have access to a fridge and microwave. Any ideas? 

Deja Vu?

Wow, Rosie, that last post of yours could have come directly from my brain!!! I have said pretty much all of those things to myself in the last 3 or 4 days. Hmm, wonder why I haven't gotten off my ass to exercise!

I received in the mail yesterday an awesome new, SEVENTY DOLLAR, sports bra. I know that is an outrageous price to pay for such a thing, but it got rave reviews from many of the bloggers I read and I have had a hell of a time finding a sports bra that works for my "ladies." It is an Enell Lite, which is for lower impact sports and can also be worn day to day. Don't tell anyone, but I'm wearing it at work right now [shhhhhh!] So, to justify this crazy purchase I must actually put it to the use it is intended for. I am going to begin exercise TONIGHT.

And, Rosie, way to go on the moving your butt for one mile!!

On my mind for this week: Exercise
Stop making excuses

1. "I am too busy" - yes, I have a very full schedule, but I think I need to remember that my body will do better with this busy lifestyle if I exercise more. I think I need to get my priorities straight here.
2. "I will start on Monday" - What's the big deal about Monday anyway?! I am not usually happy about Monday coming, so why would I put something else I dread on the same day? From now on, I am starting...NOW
3. "I drank wine/I am too tired" - now, these are pretty honest excuses. But really, I should go to the gym before I drink the wine. If that is somehow impossible, I will use the stationary bike...LOL. Also, if I exercise more, I might not be so tired all the time. Duhz.
4. "I wasn't going to do much anyways" - ok, I am not sure even this one makes sense. I somehow reason in my messed up brain that since "I was only planning to do a yoga video, or walk for 20 minutes, what does it matter if I skip it?" One thing I learned from my Psychology degree is that backwards reasoning is well, wrong. I should not belittle the efforts I make, even if it was 10 minutes of stretching, or 10 sit-ups. Something is better than nothing.

I have signed up for Weight Watchers online. I feel like the cost of it holds me accountable, and using a journal to write in didn't work because I kept leaving it places. I have been counting regularly on weekdays, but fail on weekends. Hopefully I can get movin' with exercise and follow through with points on the weekends.

Last night I ran/walked/slogged a mile in 13 minutes and 49 seconds. YAY!

Goodluck to us all.

Rosie

I'm here!

So, I'm here if anyone wants to do this thing still! I know Rosie has been thinking about it, so if anyone wants to work to keep each other accountable, let me know :)

So far today I've had a trim peanut protein bar, a banana, and a cherry XS energy drink. Here's the plan for the rest of the day:

L: Eggplant/turkey/rice casserole (homemade, about 150 cals for a huge serving) with LF feta, roasted cauliflower.
S: 2 LF string cheese, 1 nectarine
D: Probably more casserole and a big salad, glass of white wine (5-6 oz.)
Dessert: 1/2 serve Mango sorbet (75 cals) OR 1 square either truffle chocolate (80 cals) or coconut white chocolate (60 cals), plus probably another nectarine

I've started using SparkPeople.com to track my food. It is cool because I can create "food groupings" which is like a recipe thing, and it will give me the breakdown of what the nutritional value is. Also I'm tracking my calories, water drinking, and [current lack of] exercise.